Growth

I've often looked at my 5+ years (oh it has been a lot longer than 5 but I've decided to stop counting), and wondered what I've learned. I've learned chain rule, glycolysis, torque, post-colonial literary theory, the wonders of Salman Rushdie. I've also learned to always pack an umbrella, how to shush a talker on the 6th floor with one look, and how to get through a semester without buying a textbook. But I think the most important concept I learned had nothing to do with carbon-hydrogen bonds or derivations, it was the whole process is change is awkward, growth is awkward, life is awkward. Now I realize that's not Earth shattering like finding a new quark or what have you but it was in the sense, that I thought I had passed that stage, passed the awkwardness of adolescence, passed the feelings of inadequacy, of being lost of being wholly unsure of who I was. I have found the greatest paradox in being at SFU and my years semi-weaned from the Hill - it is in these stages of greatest awkwardness of being lost that we find ourselves in Him.

Maybe I should explain myself in a different way - I fished out my old Sara Groves cd for Leaha about a month back - for what reason I'm not sure but it came at a time that I didn't want to hear a song on it a song that forced me to end a relationship I was starting, and that song now plays again as I ended another relationship, purely because I realized something I am in exile - song reference - that this is a time where I need to focus on God and what He provides, no storing manna (relationships, dreams, present or past whatever) in the hopes that it will be here tomorrow, it won't be.

So fumble forth into the desert and know that Egypt sure isn't what you think it was - be that Egypt a past relationship, dream, high school whatever it may be - it may be desolate but there is a promise - He will lead you. Now unfortunately I have yet to find a clip of the song that doesn't involve a cheesy Christian music video - regardless listen to the lyrics.